Your beautiful! perfect! squishy and oh-so-cute little baby has a baby love language. Do you know what your baby’s love language is? You ought to!
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You’re kidding, right?
It’s true… every baby, every child, every person has a preferred way of receiving and giving love, known as their love language. Or in the case of this article, baby love language. You can find clues to your baby’s love language (unlocking your super-mommy powers) in the words that follow. This article will teach you how to tell what your baby’s” baby love language” is, how to better show them love, and how to teach them to correctly show love to others.
Wait… baby love language, what??
Wouldn’t that just be rotten of me to assume everyone has heard of love languages and leave anyone who hasn’t feeling confused.
Simply put: Folks have certain words, or actions that make them feel loved more than other words or actions. While some have more than one or a little bit of all of them, there is one way that stands out more than the others to each person.
And they are:
- Words of affirmation.👍 “I can live for two months on a good compliment.” ~Mark Twain
- Quality time.🕐This is undivided attention. Face to face. No distraction. Does not include the TV. Doesn’t have to be long.
- Receiving gifts. 🎁A gift is tangible. You can hold it and know the giver was thinking of you. Doesn’t have to cost money.
- Acts of Service. 👨🍳Seek to please by serving. Doing something for someone you know they could do themselves.
- Physical touch. 😘A hug. A kiss. A wrestle. A pat on the back. Wrap your arm around.
How in the world can you tell this from a baby?
The moment I understood that my baby daughter didn’t want to be held, rocked and cuddled to sleep (more on that below,) I knew I’d need to work harder to show her love. My love language at the time was physical touch. As a mommy, putting her child’s needs above her own, that meant not relying on my new baby to fill my snuggle tank. ⬅️ Ouch!
It’s not always clear right away what your baby’s love language will be, however you can often tell what it is NOT. My girl wanted to be fed, burped, and talked to. A LOT. That was her baby love.
Snuggling wasn’t her preference, after all, if I was holding her close, she couldn’t see my face as I was talking to her. Makes oh-so-much sense now. READ TO THE END TO SEE HOW I DISCOVERED THIS!
Today, still, words of affirmation are a powerful way to love her.
After discovering her primary love language, I knew it would be necessary to train her how to appropriately show love through affection. Because, although it is not her love language, she will likely be married and have children someday. Those important people in her life will need her to give and receive love through physical touch. Even if it’s not her preference.
I digress…(more on how to train affection another time)
Words of affirmation.
*Does your baby stare at you when you talk? Do they get quiet when you sing? Are they intrigued when you make funny voices? Words are powerful. Talk to your baby a lot. This is your baby’s version of words of affirmation. And is her “baby love language” favorite.
*Do you have a toddler who constantly wants to show you a new trick? A flip. A sprint. Standing on his tippy-toes? He’s looking for words of affirmation. click here for cd’s to play and here for THE VERY BEST videos for your words of affirmation baby
*Have a 2-3 year old that repeatedly says, “Mommy… I just love you.”? Words of Affirmation. (i have one of these) That’s his special baby love.
- Talk to them. Talk and sing to your baby, while looking at them. A lot.
*Your baby who never gives you a break; seems to never want to be put down, likely wants Quality Time WITH you. As my son (who wanted to be held constantly) grew, we were able to see, that he never stopped wanting to be with us. Even still, as a pre-teen he wants to be WITH us. read more about bonding with your son as he grows by clicking here
*The baby who loves to be held and carried, indeed loves the holding and the carrying, however the Quality Time with you is likely what is truly speaking her “baby love language.” click here for the baby carrier i used for FOUR babies
- Get alone with them. Sit down alone with this baby, without distraction and play patty-cake, peek-a-boo, etc… That is her preferred baby love.
*Not-so-shockingly, this isn’t going to be figured out quickly. It’ll take a baby a few years to be able to start creating art and crafts to give to people. This baby love language begins to reveal itself pretty quickly in the preschool years. And be prepared for home-made-so-special-pictures galore when it does!
*Some kids just L-O-V-E to make pictures and crafts to give to their friends and family. What you gotta remember is that the love language they give away is the one they want! The young child whom gives away home-made gifts, wants to Receive Gifts. And will feel loved as a result.
- Give them. Once you begin to see this in your baby’s love language, give them gifts. These gifts don’t have to cost anything. Any tangible item that says, “I was thinking about you.” Conveys boat loads of love to a “gifts child.” click here for supplies to help your precious “giver” create things to give. great for sensory development too. That’s his baby love.
Acts of service.
*This language takes a good-long-while to reveal itself also. Sometimes it can take part of a life time to come to love this – love language.
*I use to thrive on physical touch. I knew you loved me if you hugged me in public. Fast-forward to 37 years old and if you want to stand a chance at letting me know you love me… you must DO. SOMETHING. FOR. ME!
*My experience with people is that acts of service becomes a love language when you are a bit seasoned. The older you get, the more responsibilities you have. The more responsibilities you have, the more precious your time is. Therefore… taking time away from your own “things” to take care of my “things” lets me know, without a doubt, that you must love me.
- Show them. Acts of Service is less a ‘baby’s love language’ and more a “baby love necessity.” After all, they rely on you for every-single-thing. Serve them well and train them even better. This is her baby love.
Ah, yes! Hugs and kisses!
*WOO-HOO. You’ve been looking forward to this one, I know. God knew what He was doing when He made babies irresistible so we wouldn’t have any trouble showering them with squeezes and smooches. Considering all the brain development that takes place as a result of physical touch within the first 12 months of life; there is no question as to whether or not we should show our baby love with physical touch. It is absolutely necessary!
*Some babies will show you early-on that physical touch is their primary love language. From the age of 9 months, one of my children would wrap her arms around my neck when I was holding her. She would squeeze and kiss me. Without being taught, she knew just what she wanted and needed, HOW TO GET IT and how to give it back. I’m sure you don’t have to guess that many years later, her hugs last the longest, and she would rather sit on my lap than anywhere else. click here for a swing to rock your baby when you can’t. or for swaddles like the one here to make them feel safe and held when you need a break
Hug them. Kiss their cheeks. Hold them tight. This is his best baby love.
But hugs DON’T come easy to me…
Let’s get real for a moment: Sometimes due to childhood abuse, trauma, or other reasons, giving physical touch can be difficult for adults. Regardless, it is essential and non-negotiable when it comes to your child. If you find hugging and showing physical affection to your child difficult, talk to someone. Seek counsel from a pastor or trusted friend and take steps to resolve the issue. Your child’s proper development depends on it.
Why do I need to know about ALL of them?
No doubt, one of these stands out for your baby. (let me know which one in the comments below)
Knowing your child’s-baby love language is only a portion of your responsibility as a parent when it comes to the duty-of-love training. Just as significant is your role in training them to show love to others. Strive to show baby love to your babies, both big and little, in the way that is most clear to them. AND…
- Teach them to do the same for others, to learn the love language of others and show them love on their terms.
For a not-so-affectionate child, that means one really good hug a day for their “physical-touch-is-my-love-language” sibling. For the i-don’t-care-about-stuff child, that means making a thank you note for their friend. You get the point.
I can prove it to ya!
When my oldest son was born, he wanted to be held con-stant-ly! For Real. All. The. Time. He was trial by fire for my parenting skills. It took months before I summoned the courage to let-go enough to sleep-train him (click here for more on sleep training) and reclaim a healthy living situation. And it was years later before I fully understood that quality time was his primary baby love language.
When other moms would tell me about their baby who would drift off peacefully to sleep after 15 minutes in their own crib, I thought they were liars. Strait-up, “why-is-this-person-trying-to-make-me-feel-like-a-loser-by-telling-me-these-lies-about-their-baby?” liar!
Fast-forward 2 years and my daughter is born. It only took a few weeks of her life to notice huge differences between her and my son.
I was prepared (and looking forward-)to hold her all day long. (after all, I had prayed for years for a daughter and was beyond pumped to have one) I quickly noticed though, that after nursing, she would get wiggly and start to fuss. One day when she was only a couple weeks old, I was exhausted. I decided to just nurse her and lay her in her crib while my son was napping. I knew she’d cry but I just needed a moment to lay down.
OH-NO! Is she OK?
I put her in her crib and left the room. To my dismay, I woke up 3 hours later. My son had woken up from nap and was calling for me. I was ter-ri-fied. What had happened? Why hadn’t I heard the baby? Was she OK? Oh Lord!
I fled break-neck into her room and THREW the door open. There in her crib, she was… sleeping like the most beautiful angel I’d ever seen.
I was elated and heart broken all at the same time. That was the moment I had this realization: She doesn’t want to be rocked and held. She wants her own space. She had a different baby love. That was also the day I realized those liar moms from my sons time as a baby, weren’t liars! Some babies really do lay in their cribs and drift off to sleep ALL. BY. THEMSELVES. to keep an eye on your baby from your phone using this sweet monitor click here
What did I learn?
Two babies. Two very different personalities. And two very different love languages! Different baby love.
So what do you think your baby’s love language is and why?
I’d LOVE to hear about it in the comments below.
And just because I love babies, mommies and baby love… I’ve created a printable guide to help you more easily recognize your baby’s love language. Click below and you’ll get the baby love language guide and other helpful resources!
Want to know more about showing older kids love without using words? Read here.